Mentally I'm Here: Vol 5
There's so much to catch ya'll up on so be prepared for choas.
Happy New Year!!
I took a much needed break in December to reflect and enjoy my last couple of slow mornings before I started a new job at the top of the new year. Oh, did I mention ya girl go a job?!? *Praise Break* If you know me intimately, you know this was a long time coming and I’m beyond escatic that things worked out the way they did. At the time this is published I will have completed my first official week back in Corporate America (Dun Dun DUN). I’m still working in retail but not it apparel which presents a new challenge I eagerly welcome. (At some point though, we’ll have to talk about being one of few Black People as you get higher in corporate, how isolating it can be, and nagivating the “Back Pet to Black Threat” pipeline.)
I do want to talk about some of my goals for 2025. At 35, something about this year truly feels like I’m about to into myself in a big way. Also can I just acknowlege how weird to feels to be 35? These last few years after the 2020 lockdown rushed by with a blur and I’m now in a completely different age bracket. I keep looking up like “when tf did this happen?” I find myself having difficulty not referring to myself as a girl, even though a couple of years ago there was a whole online movement of women reclaiming their girlhood. When reading articles on why fellow Millenials have had difficulty feeling like adults, the proof is in the pudding. Capitalism is always the answer. In the 1990s, my Boomer parents could buy a home on my current salary and STILL live very comfortably with four children. With my boyfriend and I’s income combined, we would not be able to afford that same home at its current appreciated value. The economy we inherited does not offer many us the same options. So those milestones that we once associated with these years of adulthood no longer feel attainable. It makes sense why so many of us cling onto nostalgia, those years objectively felt better. Anyways, one goal for me is to really come into my womanhood, whatever that means to me. Babes and I have also been in constant conversation about our next chapters and I’m excited for what’s to come. (Love that man DOWN)
Most of my 2025 goals revolve around me just getting out the house honestly. I spent so much of these last couple of years depressed and looking at the same 4 walls that it’s more of a necessity than anything. One of my sisters said something last year that resonated with me deeply. “If you don’t get out of the house, all of your memories become just one room.” Like wow, ok drag me then. We’ve definitely got to change that. Even if It’s just once a month, I need to say yes to something social. Something that gets me around my people again. I owe it to myself and the people I want to continue to nurture relationships with.
In conjunction with balancing my job with social life, I want to make an effort to not wait until the weekend to live my life. The thought of working 8 hrs and having to go out after feels exhaustive already. But I’m thinking about it like this: at the source of my depression was me tying my self worth mostly to work and feeling as though I was a failure for not being able to be successful in that regard. I CANNOT allow that to happen again. I am worth so much more than what I collect a check for, ya feel me?
We’re also developing new hobbies in 2025 okay? AND a reminder that not everything needs to be monetized. Learn to have fun for fun’s sake. (ME to ME)
Escapisms
Reading
Love- Toni Morrison
Another goal for the year is to read my way through Toni Morrison’s fictional works (two of which, Sula and The Bluest Eye, I completed late last year). Last weekend I completed a third selection of the list, Love. One of her lesser known titles but just as compelling. A theme I’m discovering throughout her works is the dynamic between women and Morrision’s examination of their relationships through not only the decades but these very specific situations. Also, it’s the third story I’ve read of her’s where she is really trying to drive home how deeply we (people) dehumanize, and exploit children.
Anyways, next in Morrison’s collection is most likely Jazz, since I already own a copy. I’m attempting not to buy new books until I read what we already own, lol. My library card will be my best friend lol. (YOU SHOULD GET YOURS TOO)
Watching
Like many of us, I watched the Beyonce Bowl on Christmas Day and can I just say it feels so good to be Black and from Houston, Texas, with ties to Louisiana. Propagandist or not, ya’ll could never make me hate the culture I grew up in. The little Black girl who grew up being in marching band, performing in the Juneteeth Parades every year, with an actual horse stable one street over from her childhood home in a perdominately Black neighborhood was represented on that stage. That meant something.
Speaking of propaganda, the final chapter of TikTok has been absolutely INSANE. if you haven’t been dailed in, I promise you don’t want to know lol. Please, save yourself the trouble. I am going to miss that app.
Lastly, my thoughts are deeply with the communites of Los Angeles who have suffered devastating loss from the fires. I can’t imagine the amount of hopelessness people are feeling during this time.
If you feel compelled, please consider checking out this list of resources.
With Love,
—Dani
Gutsy stuff. Respect.